How it all started (my personal story and healing journey through depression) – How my devastating depression has lead me to a healthier life and self love.
How it all started
Everything seems to be going great. My husband and I got our first home. We both were doing great at work. We had family and friends living close by. Our weekends were filled with fun activities and events.
That is the thing with anxiety and depression. You don’t have to have a traumatic event happening in your life to trigger these illness. On the surface level, I was a happy woman with a wonderful life. But deep inside, unexplainable sadness and hopelessness were creeping into my life little by little.
I’ve suffered through pretty bad anxiety attacks and depression in my college year. So I am very familiar how it makes you feel and I was undeniably depressed….again.
There was lots of guilt associated with how I felt. I felt like there is no reason for me to feel so sad and depressed. So I hid it. I hid my feelings from friends, family, my husband, and myself. But the funny thing is pushing something away constantly doesn’t make it go away. My depression was creeping back into my life with more vengeance.
Things were getting worse. I had hard time motivating myself to go to work in the morning. Everything started to seem pointless. I was thinking about death more often than I’d like to admit. So I decided to try different things. I joined a nearby kickboxing gym. I went to go see a therapist. I made more plans with friends to occupy my free time. They were all helping me feel better but at the end of the day, I was lying in bed feeling so lonely, sad, and hopeless.
During that time, my husband got a job offer in California. It was a great opportunity for his career. But is moving across the country where I don’t know anyone a good idea, especially with my depression? I wouldn’t have the support that I need from people that I love! Plus, what will I do for work?
But the truth is I hated my job and I was getting to a point where I wanted to quit so bad anyway. And I wasn’t getting any support from the people I love anyway. Not because they weren’t there for me but because I never told anyone how bad my depression was getting. I was merely keeping myself busy with friends and family so I can distract myself from feeling so sad and lonely for short period of the time.
So my husband and I decided to move across the country. We both agree that having a fresh start would be good for me.
Was it really good for me? The short answer is YES. The long answer is it wasn’t easy in the beginning but it really was good for me in a long run.
My personal journey through depression
One of the first thing I did when we moved was to find a yoga studio. Regular yoga practice helped me get off the anxiety/depression medication in college so I thought it could help me again. I found a studio that I liked so I signed up on their yoga teacher training program (YTT 200). And I think that’s when everything started to come together.
I was practicing yoga regularly. I was meditating everyday. I was eating healthier than ever before in my life. This change has lead me to want to learn more about nutrition and holistic living.
So here it is! My personal journey through depression. I am very happy to share that I no longer feel uncontrollable sadness or hopelessness. I no longer cry for no reason and not wanting to wake up in the morning. Of course, I have my good days and bad days. But my bad days look nothing like what it used to be.
Because I know how devastating depression can make you feel and because I truly believe that things that I did to overcome my depression can help others, I felt compel to share my experience.
Although my depression crisis brought me so much pain and tears, it eventually lead me to healthier living and self love. I cannot wait to share all my experiences and knowledge during my journey with you. Please stay tune for my next post “5 things I did to overcome my depression!”